I am finally free to blogging, tweeting or any other social media activity I might want to engage in, without logging into my company provided laptop.  All of my thoughts will be mine going forward.  I had spent many months/years trying to think about whether or not I would write my journey down and provide it in book format.

I am excited to start this new chapter in putting myself out there.  This coming Sunday I will have the pleasure of recording my first podcast with Dre and his brother (I'm calling him Coach).  Together, these two, have taken #TransformationTuesday on social media by storm as far as I am concerned.

Something else I just noticed is that my music sounds a ton better on the new machine.  This makes me extra happy, seeing as I LOVE music.  Enough of my ramblings for today.  Hopefully, I'll be able to force myself to write a whole lot more, now that I can do so in "private", so to speak.

This past Monday (March 4), I had an appointment with a surgeon at a local hospital.  My goal was to have the doctor provide me a little more guidance as to whether  or not they truly thought I was ready to go down the road of skin removal surgery.  In addition to that, I wanted to be able to come up with some realistic estimates for the overall cost of the "reconstruction", so to speak.  Other than the fact that I felt like I was simply not listened to, the meeting was somewhat positive. 

My priorities:
Man-boobs / Bingo-wings
Stomach
Back / Legs

The take-away was this:

Determine your goal weight (pre-skin removal)
Stay at that goal weight for approximately 6 months
Schedule procedure

This particular person's opinion was that I should work on the abdominal area first.  I would say that he's probably right, in spite of the fact that I would really like to remove the man-boobs and bingo-wings.

Due to the fact that I don't want to make any hasty decisions and I simply didn't click with the surgeon on Monday, I am working on scheduling another consultation with a clinic in Toronto, so that I am able to get a second opinion.  In truth, I will likely see multiple surgeons, so that I am able to find the one person that I have the most confidence in.  At that point, I will work with them to schedule the needed procedures. 

My current weight is now at 335, so my goal is likely to reduce body fact by 36 pounds, so that I am below 300, or at least get myself as close to 300 as possible, so that I will be below 300 post-op.

Wow.. I’ve been off the “meat wagon” since February 21st, which was my birthday. Eating carbohydrates really, pardon my language here, fuck with my mind and body. I’m sitting here depressed beyond belief. I would imagine this is related, at least in part, to a feeling of failure. The last time I engaged in eating of carbs, I spent 3 weeks in a downward spiral and felt similarly mentally. I’ve no idea why I allow(ed) this to happen. Of course, the birthday excuse is the original reason behind the derailment, because YOU GOTTA HAVE CAKE on your birthday. 

After allowing yourself that “one thing”, the slippery slope just gets more and more slick. In a short time, it’s difficult to regain control.

Anyway, recovery mode is now engaged.

Here's the size tag from the largest pair of sweats I currently own and wear, in spite of the fact they are FAR FAR FAR too large. I think these sweats are probably 6 years old by now, if not more. My wife insists I look ridiculous in them. I know she’s right. This is NOT the largest size I’ve ever worn and when I first got them they were snug.
 
For some reason I still own them. They are so large on me that if I could dance like @MCHammer I could dance in his #YouCantTouchThis video. One of these days I’ll have to do something about owning them.
 
 I’m currently wearing a pair of 3XL Reebok sweat wicking gym pants that are also too big. I only keep wearing them to hide the hanging crap on my body. If I wore tighter clothes the leftover skin would be far too obvious.

“How many times did I attempt to ‘lose weight’ over my lifetime?” This is a question that gets asked from time to time. The truth is that no one, other than the person the question being directed has, has ever really considered the answer. Even some medical professionals haven’t taken this into account. In the past, the medical establishment failed to see the full picture and only saw the disease.
 
The answer to this, for me, is more than I can remember.  I have been through everything from parental enforced calorie and time restrictions, to Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Paleo, low carb high fat, supplements, simply “willing the fat to ‘go away’, hitting the gym to eat and carnivory.
 
Now, it’s time to dispense with the names and get down to what really matters, because, in the end, labels mean nothing.
 
The idea is to put things into your body that support your health and fitness goals. It is really that simple. That said, the simple then becomes complex, due to the limitless choices out there, some of which I’ve already mentioned. So, eat for optimal health and the rest will surely follow.
 
#yes2meat 

WOW! Ittbeen a long long road th get here. Hopped on the scale this morning, totally expecting to still be 330+. Much to my surprise, I heard 329 pounds.

I've been a little lacking on the updates here of late, due to traveling and such.  On January 11th, I suddenly came down with a bit of a fever.  This is very abnormal for me, as I'm usually the most healthy person in the room all year long. Along with the fever I was feeling a bit sick to my stomach.  Needless to say, I went to bed early that night.  

I lay down in the bed, shaking all over and trying to get warm.  Eventually, I feel asleep and all was "good" or so I thought.  I woke the next morning feeling extremely drained and dehydrated.   First thing I did was start drinking water to see if this might help.  The dehydration continued throughout the day and my appetite was nearly non-existent.  In the evening I had a chicken breast, which did not agree with me at all, but I wasn't feverish, as far as I could tell.  Slept through the night again and felt a little better the next morning.

My wife decided that I needed to have a little something, so she made me have a protein shake.  Boy did that set everything back into motion.  While out running errands, I began to feel horrible and my stomach was quite upset.  I was asked if I needed to go to the hospital, to which my reply was, "I don't know."  For me, that's pretty much a yes.

So, off to the hospital we went.  Thinking to go to a location that would potentially be less busy, we were headed away from town, as I might get seen more quickly.  As we were backing out of the driveway, I asked if we could go somewhere closer.  This is another indication that I was feeling quite bad by this time.

After getting through the ER triage process, I was sent back without waiting.  From here begins all the run stuff:

Blood work to start off with
Ultrasound on my abdomen

Once we got the tests back, my bilirubin readings were at 140 when I arrived in the ER.  This is nearly 8 times the normal value. The diagnosis, pancreatitis and gallstones in my bile duct, which actually caused the pancreatitis.  While uncomfortable, this can be taken care of in people with unaltered anatomy fairly easily (scope through the mouth).  For me, having had the Roux en Y Gastric Bypass, everything had to be done surgically, since my digestive tract was "obstructed".

Since they were going to already have to do a surgical procedure, there was a decision taken to remove the gallbladder as well, seeing as this could happen again, if it wasn't removed.  I sure didn't want to live through this again.  I spend a total of nearly 7 days in the hospital getting this health issue taken care of.  I strongly advise against having a similar experience.

But hey, I'm in Canada, so I got to have surgery and all, without going broke.

As of today, I'm still in recovery mode.

Tomorrow will mark the 18 year since I spent time in a bed of this size/magnitude. 

As stated in my blog post yesterday, I had surgery, again, a short time ago for a gallbladder related issue.  In 2001, getting on the surgical table was next to impossible.  This time, I was able to put myself on the table without difficulty.

During my time in the hospital, I was visited by the head of bariatric surgery and we discussed many things regarding the whole process of having the surgery, what happens after and long-term outcomes of most gastric bypass surgeries.

1. Relationships are tested to their limit and sometimes there is irreparable damage done

• At the time I had the surgery, the statistics were that 50% of marriages / relationships end post-op. This is something that I experienced.

2. Post-op depression

• I also experienced this.
• I also spent time having issues with other destructive behaviors.  This may not be everyone's experience.

3. Post-op regain

• This absolutely happens in nearly every case. Those folks that have true success after the surgery are the exception in my experience.
• The only way to be successful post-op is to accomplish getting whatever is "broken" in our minds addressed.

In spite of all of this, I am a success story.  Most people, when successful achieve a 30% body mass reduction.  As if this week, I am at 50% body mass reduction and I'm on a trajectory path to get closer to 60%, depending on the path I choose to take.  It's been suggested to me at this point, by a friend that is a medical professional, that I should start going down the path of muscle building, rather than concentrating on weight reduction so much, as this too will help with breaking down and removing the excess body fat.  Something that comes along with this, is consultations with plastic surgeons, in order to see what their take is on my progress and how much further I need to take the fat reduction.

We all go into a transformation journey knowing that we will gain/regain physical fitness, which is something we all strive for.  Another thing we are looking forward to is the ability to wear stylish clothing.  The other goal we have is to gain greater mobility, which I guess is all part of the becoming more physically fit.  The frustrating thing about the process is that these things do not usually come in the same time frame.

Increasing one's overall physical fitness is going to be a given throughout the process. We can't help but become more "able" to do things as time passes.  Greater mobility comes in bits and pieces, at least in my experience. As mobility increases, the ability to perform different training movements allows for greater variety in your training protocol(s).  Tomorrow you will, without a doubt, be able to do things you can't today.

Now comes the piece of the puzzle that's not always made obvious.  For those that drop vast amounts of fat, their body is now completely disproportionate.  Depending on the amount of the reduction, there my be extra skin to contend with.

I have found that I have to purchase clothing that's larger than I should, just because I have to deal with extra "luggage" that's not been taken care of yet.  In fact, I currently have pairs of pants that are extremely lose in the legs, waist etc..  I also have shirts that fall into the same category.  Once I am finally able to clean-up my "loose ends" so to speak, I'll be able to consider this journey complete and I'll be on to the next thing.